Monday, September 24, 2007

Vicodin Please

UPDATE: Oh God - thank you the marvellous Great She for alerting me - I must have spoken too soon!



The Croc Wellie. Where will it ever end? In millions of years time there will be people living off croc landfill sites. Deranged teenagers will be smoking them in the streets. Sarah Beeny will be the patron of the National Croc Helpline. We will even be wearing crocwear - garments made out of croc. You will no longer be able to buy a simple crocque monsieur in a cafe without getting a funny look - or a piece of rubbery pink toast. Stop the crocmadness now - they are the orthopaedic shellsuit of the new millenium. Crocs - you have your marching orders!



Blogger Billy said...

I thought Crocs were supposed to be a cross between wellies and sandals, so turning them back into wellies is somewhat pointless, to say the least.

10:31 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Billster - I think it's called marketing and making lots of money Billster. Did you know they have banned them in hospitals because they cause too much friction and are giving people electric shocks?

6:32 am  
Blogger Howesy said...

I reckon it's some sort of conspiracy, and that the plastic is ingrained with some mind control drug which makes the wearer vote at the end of "Dancing with Stars" or "X Factor" or something. There can be no other explanation for the people that do this. They should be in a home.

11:55 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

Crocs are all over Norfolk. Even grown men wear them.

There is a Canadian version called Holeys or something in Clarks.

12:54 pm  
Blogger dh said...

I also heard they get stuck in escalators. Whole children are getting dragged through and minced. Should be banned.

3:39 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Howeser - do you think Simon Cowell has something to do with it?

Geoff - Crocs are EVERYWHERE. It's like something out of Dr Who

Dickley - a terrible state of affairs

4:05 pm  
Blogger llewtrah said...

I'm certain Crocs are recycled tractor tyres painted in lurid colours. People who wear them on escalators end up becoming crocks.

6:35 pm  
Blogger violetforthemoment said...

They're so ugly. And I imagine they must be horrid to wear on a hot day, they'd get all sweaty and gross.

8:38 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

"It's like something out of Dr Who." Snort!
How anyone would want to wear them when there are dozens of perfectly lovely high-heels in the shops, is beyond me.
Have you any idea how these croc things actually stay on the foot, btw?

11:48 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Llewtrah - they are made out of a special material which apparently is good for you - but not surely if you gt jammed in things and keep getting friction shocks

Violet - bleaurrgh - although believe it or not I have seen them on one friend who is a bit kooky and they somehow suited her. She was wearing big clodhoppery red ones with woolly stripey tights.

Arabella -
Open on a deserted military camp in Dorset c. 1972
Assistant: "Dr..they are are everywhere look!
Dr Who: "Commander Trubshawe - position your men. Get down everyone. Goggles at the ready - you'll be needing them"
Cut to hoards of croc-wearing zombies stumbling over a military exercise camp in Dorset. Suddenly there is a strange electronic noise. The Dr is aiming a powerful magnet at the zombies. They start to fall down clutching their calves and writhing in pain. More strange electronic noise as the Dr increases the power of the friction magnet. The croc-wearing zombies start to dissolve into little pink and purple puddles.

Commander Trubshawe: "Well done Dr. Lummy, that was a close shave.

The Dr: Cyclo-polyplasticine residue. Harmless as a liquid but in shoe form is the most offensive toxin known to man. Such a simple thing a magnet.

Assistant: "Ooh Dr! You've saved us from croc-zombie madness with my little niece's magnet set"

They all walk off wearing stiletto's - even Commander Trubshawe

The End

6:34 am  
Blogger Read, my lips are sealed said...

If they give you electric shocks maybe they should be renamed CROC SHOCKS.

10:11 am  
Blogger savannah said...

what's next? *shuddering*

12:33 pm  
Blogger Istvanski said...

The pictures you have here represent the "high-top" versions which seem to be less popular. They should rename them "Croc-o-Shite".

1:41 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Read My Lips - yes - Shock Horror Crocs!

Savannah - you are right to shudder my dear

Ister - exactly - Croc Wellies - Nooooo!

2:12 pm  
Blogger First Nations said...

they look like cartoon shoes. like shoes micky mouse would wear when he digs out his septic tank or something.

2:02 am  
Blogger GreatSheElephant said...

I really like the wellies and plan to get a pair. And they ARE launching a line of Croc clothing.

11:19 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Firsty - they should all be put in a septic tank forever and eveeer

Great She - re: crocwear - WHAT?

1:53 pm  
Blogger savannah said...


oooooo myyyyyy gawdddddddddddd!

when will it end? shoes, clothes, jaysus...what's next? tampons? condoms?

3:59 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Savmarshmama - the boots can prob double up as condoms!

9:28 am  
Blogger Howesy said...

I saw, yesterday, a fur lined croc. What the frig is the point of that then? They've got holes in haven't they?

8:56 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Howeser - ye gods!

10:49 am  
Blogger Pod said...

croc off!

12:54 am  
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