Thursday, May 31, 2007

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me being a bit over-sensitive or do other people feel a bit left out when they have been a regular reader and commenter of someone elses blog for a considerable length of time and for some reason you just don't seem to make their blogroll. Ever. You watch other readers come and go and yet - they make the blogroll but you don't. Does it actually matter? Is it just an oversight? Or is it personal? Does blogging just bring out the insecure in all of us at some point?

I've been pondering this quite a bit of late as each time I comment on a certain blog I get a pang of feeling unwelcome - but I don't know why. And then I thought - am I just being paranoid? Am I actually ridiculously pathetic and should stop bothering myself with this forthwith! Is there some form of blogrollers etiquette that I should be aware of? Ie: am I not on their blogroll because even though I comment on their blog I don't qualify for the blogroll as they don't read mine. The thing that irks me a little is that they are on my blogroll so you think they would reciprocate?

That reminds me - I must update my blogroll! You see - maybe it's not personal at all - just slack on their part and awfully over-dramatic on mine? Apologies to all my commenters and readers that aren't currently on my blogroll...and for my current state of woedom.



Blogger Istvanski said...

Perhaps you're looking too much into it, or you're seeing something that isn't there (apart from the obvious - your name not on the person's blogroll).

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you RoMo. The person in question will read this post and have it sorted in no time hopefully.
All your other readers love you loads x.

3:33 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Ister - I don't think they will read this post as I don't think they read my blog. But I've just read back what I wrote last night. For goodness sake - I think I should have left my thoughts alone and had an early night!

6:45 am  
Blogger Annie said...

I think it's an oversight. But it does make me sensitive too. What is odder still is when someone comments on your blog and still doesn't link you.

But some people like to keep their blogroll very very short. I can understand that too - I neglect people I've linked to.

It only recently dawned on me that you don't HAVE to link to everyone that you read. If you link to someone, you feel like it's only polite to comment - whereas if they are just in my feed reader, I can choose to read and not comment.

Twisted blog etiquette...

6:58 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Annie - I think the full moon made me a bit weird and over-sensitive. Twisted blog etiquette - yes - you are so right. Got to go - for some reason Barry Manilow's Mandy is playing on my itunes and might just tip me over the edge.

7:50 am  
Blogger Betty said...

Oh, I've got complete paranoia about the "social" side of blogging.

I don't mind so much if people don't link, or don't comment - there are a lot of blogs that I lurk on because I know I don't fit in with the "tone" of the blog or the other commenters. No, what gets me is blogs that freeze you out when you comment, which has happened quite often. Oh, and the first person who ever left comments on mine just dropped me from their links when they moved over to WordPress, even though they left everybody else on. Now that's definitely not paranoia - that's something about me that they've taken a dislike to ...

Still, I carry on, as I always do, a fighter to the end.

*bursts into tears and pours self huge glass of brandy and Coke, at nine o'clock in the morning*

8:05 am  
Anonymous Jimmy Page's Trousers said...

I hope it's not me, I hope it's not me, I hope it's not me.

Nope, Just double-checked. Definitely not me. One RM link, present and correct.

Now that's done, I reckon you're over-thinking it.

8:41 am  
Blogger Howesy said...

Oh RoMo, I wouldn't worry too much about it, it's probably no big deal, I mean, if it was, then I wouldn't be here would I?!?!?!
Big ;o)

11:25 am  
Blogger Billy said...

Oh I have reams of blog-related paranoia. For example there are people who link to me who very rarely comment. Are they just been polite because I link to them or do they acyually read the blog?

11:29 am  
Blogger Geoff said...

Maybe they don't even get the time to read all the blogs on their blogroll. I don't like bloggers who think they are too good to read and link to other blogs but I have sympathy for those who limit their links. Once you set up a link I think you have a duty to read that blog regularly (commenting is a different kettle of fish as there may be blogs you like where you just can't think of anything to say). And if you're time poor it's very difficult to keep on top of things without going a bit doolally.

Did I just say "time poor"? What kind of speak is that?

12:40 pm  
Blogger Arabella said...

Oh I love this stuff! My own reactions are mostly a mixture of instinct and paranoia.
Back on the west coast I regularly read and commented on a local blog where the author didn't reciprocate a link, never acknowledged a comment of mine; after a while I thought "What am I doing here?". I was influenced by (the now defunct) 'Whinger' - and tried to be as welcoming.
And then - once I accidently deleted Surly Girl from my blogroll and didn't realize for months as I continued reading and commenting at hers. Was she hurt? Did she even notice?
We need a blogging analyst. I wonder if 'Confessions of a Psycotherapist' would be interested?

1:16 pm  
Blogger dh said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:19 pm  
Blogger dh said...

I have thought about it and decided that I really don't care one way or the other about reciprocating links. People either reciprocate or they don't. I don't like being under obligations myself so why should others feel obliged? I try not to fiddle with my template too much (I'm told it can make you go blind) and it's NEVER a good idea to listen to Barry Manilow during a full moon.

2:21 pm  
Blogger Kirses said...

i am too lazy to update my links. but i do feel i should respond to most if not all comments. but then i also can't ignore a ringing phone or not reply to an email...

3:23 pm  
Blogger Jag said...

I've often wondered about blog-linking etiquette myself too. And like you, I have also felt this slight tinge of insecurity in the past when encountering situations like you describe, but as time went by, and this blogging lark begins to establish its rightful place in this thing called life, I've begun to accept that life's too short to worry about such things. Instead I thank whatever for the incredible things that Internet/blogging/other-peoples-blogs etc. have brought knowlede and colour into life instead.

By the way, you're blog has been in my blogroll for years, even though I seem to have ben dropped from yours. :-) Seriously though, does this worry me? It probably would have done when I first set out, but hasn't really bothered me since blog/life equilibrium was reached a few years ago. But I still read yours from time to time and my iTunes auto-downloads your podcasts which I really enjoy!

3:56 pm  
Blogger violetforthemoment said...

I think it's only manners to reciprocate links unless you find the person really objectionable and have stopped reading them. A couple on my blogroll asked me if I wanted to do links, all polite-like. I read a lot more than I comment. I am going to try to comment more though because I like to get them. It makes me feel all validated and stuff and I wish to spread the love.

7:13 pm  
Anonymous Trust him to lower the tone said...

Personally I always flush my blogroll away after I've used it.

8:56 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Betty - oh I do hope you did have that brandy and coke at 09:00am! It is Friday after all. Do you think that blogging brings out the worst in us?

Jimmy Pages Trousers - yes - I thought you would say that because I probably am

Howeser - oh thank you - all better now

Billy - is that when you get all het up and have to check your sitemeter every 10 mins? I hardly ever check my sitemeter unless I want to laugh at the absurd things people search for like whoretube cameltoe...god only knows how they ended up on my blog?!

Geoff - 'Time poor' - excellent - is that special accountant type-speak? I feel guilty if I am on someone's blogroll and I don't comment for a while because I've been busy (like yours sometimes - skulks off looking sheepish murmuring 'sorry')

Arabella - actually - there is a bloggers anonymous site - perhaps that will give us some handy tips

Dickley - how did I know you would take this stance? Barry on a full moon - sounds like a song title....

Kirses - I know what you mean - I consider myself to be a total comment whore. Sometimes I leave massive tomes. I can't help it. There goes another reason to register at Bloggers Anonymous!

Jag - uurrrrrr.....massive apologies...oh goodness you are right and I didn't even notice - how utterly and terribly remiss of me. Just going off to expand my blogroll. Everybody go here It's a great read and one of my first ever links although Jag is right - it's disappeared! Thank you for your kind comments and for hanging in there Jag. I see you are an in-law on Pickled Politics now - I love that site.

Violet - you are the true voice of reason x

Wavy Gravy - I presume that's you? glad to hear it - where else would you put your blogroll I ask myself? Actually - don't answer that.

EVERYBODY - thank you - I didn't expect and am humbled by so many kind and helpful comments. That'll teach me to blog with PMT on a full moon. Aaaaooooooooo! Werewolves of Blogdom....

10:49 pm  
Blogger JDA said...

It's that 'virtual' thingy again..keeps cropping up doesn't it. Lack of eye contact and human presence (things we rely on to make judgements in life) without that we are just automatons trying to find the recharge socket!

11:40 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Hello Jif - must have just missed you. You are so right. Nice to have you to visit.

11:58 pm  
Blogger dh said...

Perhaps you need a short course of Neil Diamond. You'll soon be your old self.

1:23 am  
Blogger Pod said...

i am a bit slack with linking people and i don't pay attention to who has linked me really. i never notice until i notice. sio i hope i haven't offended anyone unknowingly! it als takes me a while to get round to linking. hopefully everyone feels the love of pod. i know you do sweetcheeks


7:53 am  
Anonymous rivergirlie said...

no it's not just you - i'm extremely paranoid about it. there's one uberblogger that i'm on quite friendly terms with and have met in rl, we email and stuff, but she only links to other uberbloggers and journos. it's just like being back in the playground!
i've also resolved not to post on blogs where the author never responds to comments - i think that's jsut rude!
anyway - i love coming here cos it's always fun and funny. so take of your dunce's cap and pour yerself a large g'n't

6:19 pm  
Blogger Jag said...

Cheers Romo! Re "in-law" at Pickled Politics, not sure how that came about, but I really enjoy lurking there. I only ever contribute to the non-political postings (usually hosted by Clairwil or Katy Newton), but that's what makes it a fun place to hang out at weekends!

7:16 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Dickely - Neil Diamond - not now thank you. I'll just stick to Barry.

Poddle - oh I love it when you drop by. Big hug x

Rivergirlie - I've actually got a homemade kir on the go - i hope that counts. I'm over it now thanks to everyone's pearls of wisdon and advice. I think I just had a bad day (and PMT!)

Jag - you are most welcome - that's funny - I get a bit disappointed at weekends on PP as I really enjoy commenting on the political stuff there unless I'm slagging off Liz Jones and Nirpal Dhaliwal of course - because they are so self-centred and boring...

7:40 pm  
Blogger Simon Hilton said...

Do you really like it, is it PMT? xx

11:04 pm  
Blogger rockmother said...

Simon Hilton International - Is it is it wicked? We're lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it. We're lovin' it like dis.

Pooo poo bum bum.

10:00 pm  
Blogger Clair said...

I've been inspired by your post - we can all relate, sistah! - and have of course added you to the roll.

Are you on Technorati? It's a really good way of finding out who's talking about and linking to your blog.

10:17 am  
Blogger Louche said...

You should form your own group, one so painfully cool that it isn't even a group.

You could have a secret handshake and everything.

11:19 am  
Blogger BPP said...

To be honest, I got a bit fed up with linking to other people's blogs and then finding out they'd given up on it after five minutes. The internet has become a blog graveyard full of abandoned blogs containing the same posts:
1. Hi this is my new blog!
2. Some stuff happened today!
3. I really must update this blog more!
4. Nothing
Eventually I got sick of linking off to a pile of dead sites. Plus I'm mean-spirited, which doesn't help.

(Nice blog, by the by. Encountered it via The Urban Woo ... so someone's linking to you)

12:28 pm  
Blogger IndigoShirl said...

Found Urban Woo today and consequently found you too.

When it comes to links I try not to overthink it; less is more...

Too many grey clouds lately making us all gloomy!

10:15 am  
Blogger rockmother said...

Clair - cheers for the plug and glad could offer some inspiration. I've got a who links to me thingy which I look at about once a year! God I must add you to my blogroll - I'm such a hypocrite - there I was whinging and I'm such a pot calling kettle black!

Louche/BPP/Indigo Shrl - hello and welcome to Romoworld. Thank you very much for taking the time to drop by and vast apologies for getting back to you so late. You all have very valid comments. Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!

7:15 am  
Blogger Urban Chick said...

feck feck and double feck

i have a list inside my head of blogs to add to my blogroll but never get round to it

and feck, rivergirlie says she thinks it's rude not to respond to your commenters and i often don't unless i remember which is rare...


with me, one can always assume cock-up over and above conspiracy theory

plus i am super lazy

feck once again!

12:51 pm  
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