I'm off....

Going to the airport in half an hour and haven't packed yet so I'll make this quick! Spoke to Abbie last night - she sounded terrible - so weary and spaced. I hope she can make it through the next few days. I'm taking her a pillow stuffed with the most exquisite French lavender as she has had trouble sleeping (mainly because I think she is too scared to sleep lest she should not wake up). I hope it is comforting for her and I hope to be of great comfort to her too when I get there. Friendship knows no bounds and often you can only just 'be there'. I wish I had a magic wand to make this all go away for her. We often used to visualise zapping her tumour but we know that isn't going to work any more. Now all we can do is make sure she is as comfortable and un-frightened as possible in the lead up to the inevitable.

I'm not religious at all but I do believe in goodness, peace and kindness. Please keep Abbie in your positive thoughts for a peaceful transition to her next calling wherever that may be. I hope it is a special, wonderful place where the sun never stops shining and the plants are always flowering.

Here's to Abbie.

this is for Abbie and Charlie

kew
Originally uploaded by rockmother.

I'm putting this picture up for my dear friend Abbie. I am going to America to see her on Thursday. She has been suffering and heroically living with brain cancer for the last five to six years. Last week she was told she had between 2-8 weeks to live - final. The horrible cancer found its way into one of her main ventricles and then transported itself via the brain and spinal fluid throughout the brain, into her brain stem and now onto the top of her spine. There really is no hope left which is awful. It is made much worse by the fact she has defied all medecine and prognoses so far although now we all have to put our hands up and give in to it.

I've put this picture up for Abbie and Charlie (her 4 year old gorgeous son) because Abbie loves Kew Gardens and loves spring which is exactly where and when I took this photo. Even though Abbie is still thankfully here and miraculously still able to hold a conversation I am rather selfishly panicking about how much I am going to miss her. I'll miss her infectious laugh and encouraging wisdom. I'll miss her hilarious attempt at opera singing and will miss her fabulously descriptive and often very old fashionedly witty letters and repartee. I guess I'll just have to imagine she is somewhere else and that we will somehow get to meet again at some point.

I hope her brain holds out in time for my arrival on Thursday. Something tells me she is hanging on and I am trying to prepare myself for a shock as she can no longer eat or move much.

I'm actually quite annoyed with myself that I am worried about how I am feeling or are going to feel. I will have words with myself shortly to be strong and there for Abbie, that's the least I can do. I know she is very scared to die and is not ready to go. I can not imagine how she must feel.

cheapskate charlie

camilla ring
Originally uploaded by rockmother.

Yes. It's true. Apparently Asda are now selling exactly the same ring that is being lovingly sported by Camilla Parker-Bowles - soon to be Dame Horsey Teeth - His Royal Accomplice Person for a champion £19 quid!!

So all those rumours about Charles being a cheapskate are obviously true!

relax! don't do it!

ouchmyfinger
Originally uploaded by rockmother.

Yes. Ouch. I'm never doing acrylic nails again. They are all either falling or flaking off scrap by scrap - this is the last of my left thumb - sorry couldn't get a decent close up but enough for all of you to see that my hands now resemble that of a slapper/leper hybrid. That'll teach me to be all vain. Awful. I have been mentally and physically scarred for life - or for a while anyway. I have taken to gnawing at the last remains like a frantic rodent in a bid to be finally rid of the little critters. Terrible.

lovely south bank

close up beautiful south bank
Originally uploaded by rockmother.

Went to the South Bank to meet a friend a week or so ago and was struck by how beautiful the South Bank complex looked. I have never been a fan of its drab, damp, dull concrete look but today the sun was shining and it hit the building in such a great way. It really enhanced the geometry of the complex and for once I can actually say I liked it.

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

I think I am cracking up - pardon the pun! I had a dream two nights ago that I was Pete Docherty's girlfriend. I know - what? Does that mean that I think I am Kate Dross?? Please no. Any advice/insight welcome. We didn't do drugs and we didn't have sex. The tabloids have obviously got to me. Meanwhile, life goes on as normal in the land of a bored home-maker/unemployed tv person.