Monday, June 26, 2006

Can You Camp On a Roundabout?

There is a lady that has been camping on our local roundabout for the last few weeks. There was also a group of serious alcoholics that lodge at a halfway house near the roundabout that were also camping there a few months ago. It got a bit messy and they didn't cope with the rain very well. Finally, their Cath Kidston tent (I know! Such taste!) fell into more and more disarray. I saw one of them helping a completely incapacitated member off the roundabout a few weeks back - maybe back to the shelter of the half-way house? One day it all got cleared away.

But, a big shaven-headed lady is back. Nice blue tent, a hoarde of clothes in piles outside and hanging from the trees. Today I saw a low side-table with a vase of flowers on it and a small toy troll. She was sun-bathing the other day seemingly oblivious to the constant traffic encircling her. I might go down and take photo's and post them up later. Hopefully she's not violent or anything!

No one seems to move her on and she isn't causing any trouble so why should they? I was wondering whether there is some loop-hole in Thatcher's idiotic 'travellers can't stop anywhere ever again ever' law that means roundabout's are exempt?

Friday, June 23, 2006

Crap Friday Telly

I'm meant to be making a music cd for my friend's wedding anniversary tomorrow but no, I think I'll just watch "Plastic Surgery - It Ruined My Wife" instead and have another glass of wine. Him indoors with recently Rooney-style break in foot (oh we've had it all this week) snoring like a bison on the sofa. Quite a horrendous noise but nothing is as horrendous as this stupid old ugly bag of a mullet

or this freakoid!


Cor blimey - had my first dogging experience today. No don't worry - I wasn't participating I was parking and minding my own business actually. It was quite exciting. A young couple only four cars in from the entrance to Richmond Station NCP were snogging in the most ridiculous way. Like a comedy spoof literally chewing each others faces off really frantically while both doors to the car were open and unbelievably loud techno music blaring out for all to hear. A few young families went by pushing the buggy that much faster. Me, of course, I slowed down a little bit in order to have a good look. Parked the car and walked back out to the entrance past the car. Damn I thought, they must have gone as I couldn't hear any music but there sure was some being made I can tell you! The doors were still open as if the car had been abandoned and then I saw a pair of knees pointing towards the dash and a guy with his trousers around his ankles 'making the beast with two backs' as it were. Hilarious. And then I really did laugh out loud when I saw the sticker on the back window which said 'Best Mum In The World On Board'. Yeah probably in about 9 months time the rate they were going. Later when I returned, the car was still there but sadly the doors were locked. I guess they went shopping.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Ad Nauseum

Yes - it's real. It's not a spoof. You can buy it.

But why would you want to smell of play doh? They do other flavours too - New Zealand, Celery (now I really am going to puke) Dust, Fuzzy Navel and Sushi amongst others. Do you think they do Bucket to Be Sick In too? Blearrgh.

Monday, June 19, 2006


Got offered a last minute ticket to see Motorhead (more than brilliant), Foo Fighters (brilliant) , Queens of the Stone Age (bit shit), Juliette and The Licks (missed them - damn) in Hyde Park. For me, the main pull was Motorhead - big, loud noise.

We met in the pub first - there were an odd group of older guys next to us - they kept having 'one last drink' and then shouting 'let's rock' really enthusiastically - I took a photo of them.

Then off we went - saw this man in the crowd - had to take a photo of him too

then we went here while everyone else went to join the eight mile tailback for as many beers that we could all carry

it was slightly disconcerting that you could drink water out of the chemical toilets!

We headed off and found a spot amongst lots of other people....

and this guy kept standing in front of me which got a bit annoying - until he moved

and I had my friends and a nice cute young man to my right

that's the cute boy. I think I am old enough to be his mother.

Then we drank more beer and then yes! The dulcet tones of Lemmy came over the PA "wake up everybody you're all half asleep" big roar, big riff, more beer, lots of leaping around

then he said "turn it up lads - I feel like I'm singing into a sock
then we all cheered and leaped around even more

and yes, I kept my sunglasses on until I got home around 01:30

Despite my whiplash from too much leaping and my friend Michael having to purchase a lumbar support due to wife on shoulders I suppose the hangover could have been worse. Feel so much better today. More photo's here if you want to see the really stupid ones.

Friday, June 16, 2006

The B-word

Well, this week's word I hate most is: BEVERAGE.

It really is a dreadful word. It makes me think of vile, tepid instant coffee with coffee mate in it. Ugh.
"Would you like a hot or cold beverage"? No I wouldn't - I'd like a cup of tea or just a glass of water please not a bloody hot or cold beverage.

I wiki'd the afore-mentioned word of evil and came up with this:

Beverage was a rock band that played in the Boston area from 1994-2000. Headed by Matthew Magne, it included four incarnations in it's 6 year history culminating in a a song heard on MTV Roadrules and finally succumbing to the aging of it's members, marriages, relationships and children.

I can only hope they called their band by that heinous name as a humourous nod to horrid words.

Next Friday: quilt

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Mr Mac turned out to be more like this

the one on the left from Mike and the Mechanics than big hairy fat bloke. Yes, he was skinny, yes, he was fast! Wireless all sorted. It's pathetic but I'm very happy now. He was quite happy too as I made him a cup of tea and marmalade on toast. Oh, and I let him use the loo. Swipe - no rude comments please!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Fat Hairy Bloke

I've got Dave Lee Travis coming round next Wednesday morning to sort out my wireless predicament. Well actually I've got George from a company called Mac Daddy - bejasus - £100 for first hour and £50 thereafter. He better be quick and good. He sounded fat and hairy on the phone - all I could think of was Dave Lee Travis. No doubt he'll turn up - thin and gaunt and hairless. It's just that he told me he was sweating like a bastard. I know. I didn't really want to hear that. He asked me if I was enjoying the hot weather. I suppose I should have taken a leaf out of his book and gushed "Oh yes, I'm wet all over!" instead I just said 'making the most of it' in that typically English 'oh it won't last' sort of way.

Monday, June 05, 2006

artcarbootfair at Brick Lane

Went here yesterday.
The artcarboot fair at Brick Lane. It was very busy and cost a quid to get in. It was ok. Good people watching. That's about it really. The whole point of it is that you can buy art from artists such as Sarah Lucas,Gavin Turk, Matt Collishaw, Pam Hogg et al for car boot prices. We got there quite late so perhaps missed the 'bargains'. Was interesting all the same. You could do other things like eat paella (which looked delicious) and get a tattoo or your palm read in a converted routemaster bus. There were some nice clothes and a few rip off merchants like the guy that thought £25 for a tiny hand mirror was a bargain. 'It's a nice mirror' he said 'Yeah it is' I said dreamily but also with the air of someone who knows they are being ripped off. 'Ok' he said '£20 quid' 'I think I'll have a look around first' I said wandering off towards two young girls eating left over paella out of the bin behind the food stall and then running away laughing.

Then I went to my Dad's house. This is his kitchen sideboard.

I suggested perhaps another cupboard. It drives his poor partner insane. I think she might be reading this but hopefully she won't mind! She says she's going to clear it all out when he goes away. I'm a little bit worried about when he dies as there will be SO much to sort out. He just collects and collects and collects. I mean, how many corkscrews and openers do you need?

Mind you in saying that I have just looked around and my bookshelves aren't that different - they're not just loaded with books but other misc items like old tape cassettes (no box - no player anymore come to think of it), bicycle lock (no key), broken tin toy (will never be mended), a broken Greek mask, a fading picture of my best (sadly deceased) friend (I really miss her), 3 highlighter pens and a hole punch (last used 2003 probably). Bloody hell - I'm a chip off the old block!

Friday, June 02, 2006


Well bless him. love him, can't ignore him the dear Bob Swipe of Swipe Towers of Rothergavenny on the A78 (just past the Happy Eater and the AA Obesity World Exhibition 2006 sign turn off) - 3rd bungalow on left with ornamental alsatians on exterior wall is hanging up his callipers for good. Go and give him a goodbye message or sign the petition for Bring Back Swipe - we need to otherwise I am out of a job - I have been his faithful Area State Co-ord for oh, at least a year now. We met at a self-help group for battered cod in Rhyl.

Bye Bob. We'll miss you. Mwah! Mwah!