So Unfair - Widget Wars and Slapperwear

I hate Acidpod. Acidpod just got my desperately wanted/needed must-have Terry De Havilland Wonder Woman shoes!! (See previous post). He/she/it must have had one of those nasty widget thingy's that whomever the highest bidder is (me - by £35 quid over current bid showing at the time) sneaks in at the last 2 seconds with a bid £1.09 higher than my maximum leaving me no time - except for gasping in astonishment time - to hurriedly trounce the bastard. Perhaps it is a sign that I have enough highly impractical shoes and really don't need any more. Well, of course I didn't need them - not in the way that I don't actually have any shoes to wear at all but I did need them in a 'me' way - as they were so well, me. Pah - I hope they give poohface Acidpod perpetual blisters for being such a dirty rotten cheat.

Anyway - a fine time was had by all at the 70's disco themed party I went to last night - snacks were of the moment - guacamole and cheese/pineapple sticks and chili con carne and garlic bread (what? bread? with garlic?).


Very Abigail's party. Me - I went as Studio 54 trash as I couldn't really think of trying to be anything else. Here's a really bad photo taken before I left - shame you can't get the full trashy combo effect of side ponytail, lurex halter neck top, dreadful jewellery and gold lurex socks topped off with lashings of lipgloss and fine glittery blusher.


Rather alarmingly - apart from the sunglasses I didn't actually have to go out and purchase anything I chose to wear. And I can't believe I used to wear those tight leopard skin trousers to work about 11 years ago. What was I thinking of? What could I have looked like? Why didn't anybody try to stop me? The only slightly pleasing angle on them and much to my astonishment is that I can still fit into them. The hideous circular shiny silver bubble coat-thing is a home-sewn ebay purchase of about a year ago. I was quite taken with it and bought it as a piece of tacky memorabilia. It came in very handy last night and billowed dramatically in the breeze. I'm sure my neighbour's think I am supplementing income or raising money for the next round of school fees by tripping out as a slapper. I was praying that no one would see me as I left the house but my shoes made a bit of a racket tippy tapping down the street so goodness knows. I got a few funny looks at the traffic lights a couple of times.

Anyway - good fun was had by all - a few people seemed to take it a little too far like a renowned soak of a wife that decided to sidle up to the host's husband and get all frisky and physically suggestive. I did have a millisecond-long paranoid thought of whether the 'themed party' was actually all a front for a swingers-do but thankfully I just took another glug of my spritzer, re-adjusted my white shades and pulled myself together. I went on my own so was probably a bit nervous as I didn't know that many people and was evidently dressed as a tart. Then I got a sudden worry over whether I had bad cameltoe as the trousers were rather tight - although they managed to survive a rather vigorous 'rowing floor dance' to 'Oops Upside Your Head' by The Gap Band (officially 1981 I believe!) and a sort of squishy conga to Instant Replay by Dan Hartman. Oh god - it sounds awful doesn't it? It wasn't - it was fun but I left at half twelve just as everyone was getting a bit wobbly on the living room-dancefloor and starting to pick at the cold chili con carne whilst laughing really heartily in the kitchen.

And then I wafted home in my hideous circular bubble-coat and fell asleep. I am still covered in fine glitter dust and can't get it off. Oh well. Kiss kiss. Must dash - cheese football fondue for supper!

I'm Glad I'm Me

I'm working very hard at the moment and thought I would 'relax' this evening by watching quite possibly the most dreadful 'car crash telly' I've seen since my Anna Nicole Show watching days. It was a terrible dilemma - my choice was Horizon - a quest for the ultimate cosmetic creams that actually work, Half A Ton Hospital - incredibly obese people at a fatally flawed nursing home in the US, or reliable stand-by at times like this - CSI. I probably should have stuck with CSI but instead I went for Half A Ton Hospital. All of the massively obese and very ill people's stories were terrible and heart-rending. It took the death of a 29 year old patient and friend of 24 year old 27 stone Sequoia to do something about herself. It took a stomach staple operation for Tammy also 29 who had been raped 10 years ago and turned to comfort eating since to 'cheat' and keep ordering potentially fatal post-op take-out to the nursing home where she was convalescing. This really jarred for me - where's the logic? A nursing home for morbidly clinically obese people that allows them to order gianormous artery-blocking take-outs (Tammy's favourite being only meat, cheese and marinara sauce pizza - no vegetables please and a tub of icecream to finish off). It appears there was indeed a double logic here - ultimately the doctor who ran the hospital was running a business - one he nearly lost when they all waddled out in droves after he imposed a strict diet regime banning all junk food full stop. Rather depressingly the success rate is only 2% for obese people who lose a substantial amount of weight and manage to keep it off - that's a shocking percentage. Heroin and alcohol addicts have a higher rate than that. My point is that the doctor who ran the nursing home was actually promoting eating not helping people get better for themselves. As if that wasn't harrowing enough - I then segue'd nicely into Marbella Wives - er - more like Marbella Munters if you ask me. Absolutely revolting. Ugly old cow's with disappointed gash-like mouths and much too much more money than sense. The worst culprit being Lisa who had a son who's nappy she had only changed once - he is nearly three and is called Blue. She didn't like it as the time she did change his nappy she 'got shit in her new nails'. Nice. The film ended with her interviewing some poor long-suffering Filipino slave ( I mean 'helper') who she told most strongly that Blue (or Blaauuuw as she pronounce it) must not be allowed to hear her voice in the morning and must be kept away from the kitchen as she likes to sit and have her coffee'n'fag in the peace and quiet of a morning. She was awful.

So - I'm glad I'm me despite the fact I'm worried about the potential of developing Bloggers Midriff Syndrome due to spending an increasing amount of time on the internet. Or perhaps Bloggers Anonymous beckons? Yes that's it - perhaps I should start up the first support group for Bloggers that just can't leave it alone?! Here's a picture my 5 year old did on the computer. I am so proud.
And lastly, I purchased a pair of purple spandex lycra leggings from ebay today. It's ok - I haven't lost my mind. I'm going to a '70's' party on Friday. I bought a Cher wig too. I laughed when I opened up this picture described as 'Size 10 Sandy from Grease-style lycra leggings'.

More like Bandy the Boiler from Birmingham! Er...not quite a size 10 I fear? Oh I'm so glad I'm me. Well I am today anyway.

UPDATE:
Is it bad for me to want these original Terry De Havilland 'Wonder Woman' shoes?

I really think I must - I love them. Shoes and books are my weakness.

Yours Ro-Mo-Fo xxx

Mother. There Is No Other!

Wobble getting less wobbly so thought I better do another post while I'm on a roll. Now, before I forget everybody and I mean each of you must go here and write a comment pleading with Cafe Del Nightmare not to throw in the towel - it's a great blog and would be a shame if it went into Blogroom 101 it really would. IN case anyone was wondering - the school 'issue' has all slided into nothing. Best way I think. Although I was looking at the school photo received today and guess who my son is standing next to grinning away happily - yes - the pencil stabber girl. So silly and dreadfully ironic. The parents will probably insist the photo is re-taken. I wouldn't put it past them!

Anyway - not that I have enough on my plate at the moment - in fact, I think I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew juggling 2-3 freelance jobs at once for next few months. This weekend I'm going to have to make some sort of school type timetable for each week just so I can definitely get everything done week to week. The main job is huuuuuge and involves dealing with people from each continent - aagggh!
In saying that - it is very rewarding and interesting so I need to just shut up and get on with it really. Aside from that I am contemplating being my local Blah Party representative. I thought I would adopt this as my constituency theme tune. Whaddya think guys? I LOVE it! A one. A two. A one, two, three, four............

National Poetry Day

Sorry - I had a wobble. I woke up this morning and realised it's National Poetry Day. Was looking for a poem I wrote when I was really young in an old notebook but I couldn't find it - I think some of the books are packed away. I found another book from 1999. Here's a poem from it. It has no title but is dated March 18th 1999

I went to the sea and I saw you
I watched the waves and I thought of you
I smelled the froth on the waves and
Realised that you weren't there at all
How far do you go?
How deep is your life that you hide at the bottom of the sea?
Hiding it hard under all the silt and sand
Buried, buried, buried so far and so hard
In times of strife I was taught to be a deep sea diver
Now I am searching for those hidden treasures
You think you've buried them so far away
But I can find them
I seek and I search to the ends of the earth to find
The buried treasure you have left for me
To find when all is lost

Bye

I'm retiring. Thank you to each and every one of you that has read, commented and listened to various podcasts - even read my boring munterspace site and generally put up with me wittering on about nothing. I might come back I don't know. For the moment I just want to ride the stannah stairlift to nowhere. Thank you.

OH MY GOD

Watching how to make squirrel melts courtesy of excellent blog Cafe Del Nightmare has jerked me out of my bullygated fug I can assure you. It is absolutely staggering and I know you are all dying to make these tasty and nutritious snacks for your loved ones and school lunch-boxes abound.

I attempted a podcast last night but due to a few technical hitches such as the mic setting having too much effecty echo and further complicated by slight inebriation and hiccups - I had to abort the mission. Will resume later tonight. Yes, yes, I know I've been saying that for weeks but I really will I promise. There have been some great podcast efforts going on over at Bob's place
which has raised the bar oh ever so slightly hence the shrinking violet behaviour going on around here of late.

So for those interested in the bullygate issue - a resounding silence has ensued. I have been the model parent and not resorted to bitching or gossiping or turning my son against other children - I've just carried on as usual and been me. Mind you in saying that - I did have one moment but I don't think anyone saw me and even if they did I don't care. The Monday after everything kicked off I bumped into the wife of satansbarrister - as I was coming out of the classroom she was going in. A perfunctory 'hello' was exchanged and then as I walked down the stairs I said 'bitch!' sort of under my breath but audible to those directly around me. A wonderfully satisfying impulsive moment - I quite took myself by surprise as I hadn't planned it - it just sort of came out on my out-breath. Now, I just feel cross - I mean look at all the fuss and disruption they have caused for absolutely no reason. Quite frankly - an apology would be nice - not that I'm going to get it of course. If I was as rich as all the other people that seem to send their kids to the school I would love to sue them - how dare they! Anyway - that's it - carry on as usual and avoid them like the plague.

I'll leave you all with the trailer for Elevator Gods as I've got lots of cleaning to do this morning - the house currently looks like we've been burgled - but we haven't - we've just been really messy. I need some votes - would you like to see this on at the cinema? I hope so!



Ta-ra chooks. Be good and if you can't be good be nice. x

Wah Wah Wah

Currently exhausted and enfeebled. I think Bullygate has finally taken it's toll. Going to resort to lolling on the new sofa watching crap Cagney and Lacey style telly. No doubt I'll be back to my normal cutting self soon. Bye all. x PS: I meant cutting in the acidic humour way not in the self-harm sense just in case anyone was wondering!

Thunder In The Mountains

So I went dressed as Toyah in her seminal Thunder In The Mountains video complete with a chariot pulled by four handsome white Shetland ponies and it all went rather well.

Actually, I'm reeling in shock from further developments. According to the teacher's report, not only was the other child 'difficult' all day but the teacher witnessed her stabbing a sharp pencil into her leg under the table in class and then blaming it on another child. It's terrible. Then she was seen chasing and repeatedly smacking my son on the bottom in the playground. Naturally, he was running away and got to the end wall where he turned, pushed her and then squished her into the wall to make her stop. Slightly different from an 'un-provoked punch in the stomach'. Then, THEN it turns out that after school the teacher spoke to the mother when she got home to express her worry about the behaviour of their child that day and thought she might not be feeling well - El Barrista father later dialled 1471 and called the teacher back (who is ex-directory) and threatened her saying that unless she did something about the lack of care that the school showed their child then not only was he going to report her to the authorities but 'spread it all over the national newspapers' as well!!! That'll obviously be The Daily Mail and The Express then? I was and still am flabbergasted. The headmistress is furious as of course this without doubt a school matter and not one that should be taken into parents hands without clear facts. So - to cut a long story short - the other girl's parents are in big trouble and the headmistress even went as far to say that they were the bullies here - not the children. I have to say that I completely agree with her. If my child was a bully I think I would be the first to know and to do something about it.

What was even worse was that when I went to pick my son up later this afternoon the mother said hello to me to which I replied walking on the move an extremely bold but curt 'hi'. She then came and stood shoulder to shoulder with me which was really uncomfortable for both of us because I chose to ignore her. I just kept focussed on the door willing it to open so all the kids would come chattering out and save us from this hideous situation. Another mother started talking to me and then my accuser-mum kept chipping in and asking me questions to which I replied monosyllabically. I had to. Here I was standing next to someone who has indirectly been bullying ME and making the most monstrous and potentially damaging accusations against my 5 year old - and what do you do to bullies - ignore them.

Anyway, the up-shot is that it is all probably going to kick off over the next few days as they have been hand-delivered a letter from the headmistress tonight. Me, I'm just being normal and getting on with it but I have to say after the last few days uncertainty and worry I feel suddenly really exhausted, like I've had all the life sucked out of me. An early solid night's sleep beckons methinks. Thank you so much everyone for being so supportive and interested in these posts. I don't normally get as uber personal as this on my blog but this time I felt I had to. Thank you thank you thank you - normal service will resume shortly. The Romo will be back in full effect before long. It takes a lot to get The Rockmother down.

We Are Off To See The Wizaaaard!

I've put on my ruby slippers and will be clicking my heels at approx 14:00 today which will transport me to the head teacher's office. The good news is that the class teacher called me this morning and said she was livid with the other parents and has put in a report to the head teacher already. It appears that my son was kicked in the back and because he got into so much trouble about what he had supposedly done he didn't dare mention it. I also played hard ball first thing and said that if I couldn't get a meeting with the head this morning then I would come and remove my child until the situation had been sorted out. That worked. Now I have to repair my suddenly edgy son who thinks everything is now his fault whether he is involved or not. Jesus, what happened to normal? Thank you all for your kind and helpful words of support. I am pretty calm but actually very angry - and it takes alot for me to be provoked. But I won't get all narky and enraged - I shall maintain articulate decorum throughout. Concise and to the point. (Although I don't think I want to talk to the potty parents ever again right now).

Just So I Can Get This Off My Chest

This is the letter I wrote to the headmistress - just in case anyone was interested in the thread of over-zealous parents and current day primary school nonsense: (if you are not - ignore or read the archive - or listen to a podcast here!

Dear XXXXXXX

Re: XXXXXXXXXXXX:

I would like very much to be able to arrange a meeting with you as soon as possible Monday 5th March 2007. I understand X (my son) and XX (his best friend) were involved in some sort of altercation in the playground with XX yesterday. I know that both of them were told off at the time and both X (him who snores) and I have sat X (our son) down for a serious chat today to get to the bottom of this unacceptable behaviour. Although completely unacceptable in any circumstance it appears that the attack was not un-provoked and unfortunately much as girls can be tomboys I know that boys can be generally much rougher than girls when being physical.

My concern is that I received a phone call late last night from X’s father insisting that he felt the school was no longer a safe environment for his child to be in and because of my son’s actions he was alerting the authorities. He also told me that many other parents in the class have told their children to stay away from X (my son). I’m beginning to feel like we are being unnecessarily marginalised and ‘pushed’ out of the school.

I agree that X has been unsettled especially since joining Yr 1 and it was recently deemed via external inspection that he had lost his confidence. The knock-on effect from that has been huge for him and I have worked very hard with X (teacher) to really turn this round. Things have been recently so much better and he loves X (school) despite the fact he has been very unhappy over the last few months.

I would very much like to discuss this further with you as soon as possible as I feel that the situation is possibly getting out of perspective with regards to the above.

I have taken the day off work on Monday in anticipation that we can meet as a matter of urgency. I would be grateful if someone could contact me on the mobile XXXXX with a time to come in.

Many thanks and very best regards

XXXXXX

I'll let you all know what happens. I'm so angry. I can not believe that people can be so over-protective and wrong. It appears that the girl was chasing my son and kept smacking him on the bottom. He said he didn't want her to and she wouldn't stop so he pushed her away and hit her on the arm - unfortunately another child (his best friend) stamped on her foot and called her a crybaby! Fairly normal scrappy playground behaviour but I wouldn't say bullying. The child told her parents that my son punched her in the stomach and that is why the father has decided to 'go to the authorities'. It's ridiculous. Nevertheless I woke up at 05:00 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep for worrying about it. Furthermore, he and his wife have gone round and told all the other parents leading to ostracisation all round it appears. It's vile. Hopefully it can all get sorted out from Monday.

Interlude

The beautiful calm of the desert at dusk (Egypt 2006) © Rockmother
It was so quiet and still and magical.

My Evening So Far

Between the hours of nine fifteen and ten fifteen this evening the following happened:

him who snores like a bison's friend (usually really meek and mild-mannered) turns up unannounced on the doorstep with no t shirt, no shoes or socks and covered in mud. I let him in. I ask him what's happened. Last thing I knew they were all having a 'quiet' drink in the pub. Him who snores like a bison is still in the pub. Meek and mild-mannered friend is being weird and can't remember what happened. I stick him in the bath and go into another room to call him who snores like a bison. He says he is coming straight home.

Then the phone rings twice in succession. I don't answer it as I can't get to it due to a twisted pelvis. Seriously ouch. Am seeing a physio tomorrow. The pain is indescribable.

Then my mobile rings. I answer it. It is the barrister parent of a horribly indulged and manipulative girl at my son's school. He got into trouble today for hitting her - because his best friend told him to apparently. All involved were reprimanded accordingly. Barrister Dad says he thinks the school is ineffective, lots of other parents have decided to tell their children not to go near mine and that he is alerting the authorities. I have other side issues with the school that I now intend to tack on to his claim. Basically, my 5 year old could get expelled because the school are ineffective in responsibility for the class. I want to cry. I want to cry a lot. But I don't.

Meanwhile, him who snores like a bison comes in pretty worse for wear. Twenty minutes later I am off the phone. Suddenly Meek and Mild pads down the stairs in a towel and says that there is a lot of water coming through the ceiling. We all rush upstairs (I hobble). And sure enough, water pouring through all the downlights - it's a mess. Everything gets turned off. Three minutes later a minicab knocks on the door - Meek and Mild just walks down the stairs and gets in it - dressed in two of our towels. We are gobsmacked. All we can do is stand there staring holding buckets. Looks like the ceiling is going to come down.

I go into the bedroom to get more towels.

I look out the window. It's a full moon.

Now we are sitting in the kitchen ruminating on what on earth has gone on this evening. It's ridiculous.