Two Things Times Two

Two things I find it impossible to do:
(a) walk slowly
(b) walk and read at the same time

Point (b) was inspired by being stuck behind a woman on the tube veering worryingly on the platform because she was reading and walking at the same time last week.

(some of my vintage Ladybird book collection)

Two questions:
(a) what is your preferred method of reading?
(b) what are the two things you can't do?

And one extra question that has been bugging me all week - do they recycle all the mounds of Metro's and London Lite's that are strewn around the tube each day and make them into new ones or is there a big papier mache ball factory somewhere?

Thanks.

Psychic Shock in Munterspace

Somehow I have been found via the powers of munterspace by a friend I lost touch with about 7 years ago and knew for about 6 years before that. The weird thing is - I don't publicise my real name on munterspace and my avatar (as some of you know) is this:


The even weirder thing is that he has really been on my mind over the last few days. I am a psychic witchmother.

Rather more embarrassingly - this is his message - I really couldn't tell you what he is talking about......no really....for those who aren't conversant in the Czech language - 'foy' means uugghhhhh! in Czech.

I have found you my little friend. Where are you living? XXX and I are in Clapham - we got into property developing for a while but now we have stopped and I am doing a masters in linguistics. I see that a small person came out of your tummy - how weird. Are you grown up now or do you still pee in people's gardens and say "FOY" ? Please get in touch coz I miss you. My number is XXXXXXX Lots of love XXXXXX

Blimey. The tinternet is a powerful thing.

x(19)+(240)8squared pi = cake and misery

Yes - 24th of January - mathematically proven to be THE most depressing day of the year for the world. Proven by a mathematics professor in an important university and no doubt written on special paper. Statistical fact! Oh well. Nevermind. I intend to have a nice day. Ho hum - 17 again...



(Drawing Copyright David Shrigley - one of my favourite genius's)

Breaking News: Heath Ledger Dead

It's ok - this isn't a picture of Heath Ledger dead - it is him as The Joker. Looks like the last laugh was on him. He was found surrounded by pills. Dead. He was only 28. They think it is drug-related as opposed to suicide although he had a history of playing 'suicidal characters' so perhaps the method went a bit too far. I don't know much about The Ledge but I think he had quite a le(d)gendary lifestyle by all accounts. Candle burnt a bit bright I guess....looks like he crammed a lot into those short years. Some people do.

Drugs kill kids. Don't do'em. Even Amy Crackhouse has checked into rehab as of today. Perhaps The Sun film was all a bit too much after all.

Ian Dury put it so well: what a waste.

Bollock-Grabbing Limpers

Why do teenagers (and Ricky Martin) do this?

and this?


and this?

and why do they wear jeans like this?

and walk with that limp like they have a drawing pin stuck in the ball of their foot? I read somewhere that the baggy bum showing trouser thing came from US prison wear. I sort of see where they are coming from with that but why? I think the man on the escalator above looks like he needs a good firm wedgie if you ask me.

I encountered a teenager doing the whole crotch-grabbing limp thing yesterday and I admit that I rather pathetically sunk to his level by shouting 'wanker' out the window at him Withnail and I style as I drove past in the Wagon of Rock . It cheered me up immensely. His whole act crumbled before my eyes. It was quite something.

There has been a lot of talk about Tom Cruise and his speaking in tongues effort on youtube last week. Well look here - it is the proof we knew to be true all along

"hopelessly insane" - you can't get more conclusive than that can you?

Talking of insane, psychedelic drug-induced space paranoics - check this out - Raquel Welch and Her Amazing Space Dancing Clog Trio from Bolton



Isn't that just the best?

Later pop-pickers. xx

Unpopular

I have suddenly been locked out of a blog I have read/commented on for about 2-3 years. I am not invited unlike everyone else on his blogroll. He has been on my blogroll for years. I feel a bit like one of the stragglers to be picked last for the worst side netball team. I will miss reading his blog despite the fact it could be quite infuriating at times. That was what I liked about it. The fickleness of the blogosphere. I guess I'll just go to the bottom of the unexclusive class.

The Quicksands of Time

Actually, the last post was a lie. I don't know what is wrong with me - can't concentrate, can't get anything done, feel like I am stuck in goo and can't move, worried about lots of things, made my mother cry today by telling her to 'stop shooting her mouth off', then I cried. I think I have got Januaryitis. I hate everything and feel exhausted. Now I know how canoe-man felt. But I shall rise above it - somehow. I need to do that thing where you stand in front of the mirror and say: you can do it, you are great or some other such nonsense. Bah! January! I hate it all. Just going off to slap myself round the face and give myself a swift kick to the head - that should work.

In the meantime - if anyone else is suffering from a similar malaise then watch this - it is guaranteed to cheer you up. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you.........The Rah Band with Clouds Across The Moon. The rather louche looking lady singing is the wife of the man in the emergency space blanket bacofoil boilersuit and baseball cap who wrote the song. In the words of Andre Previn - "I'd say it's one of the worst pop video's of all time" (apart from Fade to Grey by Visage of course). Every time it came on Top of the Pops when I was young me and my best friend Claudia used to point and say "ughhhh, she's a dirty prossy". I'm sure she is very nice really.



That's better - and if that didn't work then this definitely will (powers).....

Waving Not Drowning

I am here I promise and have got a horde of posts I intend to write up soon - just been idling and thinking and daydreaming and reading real books and going to the cinema and doing more thinking and commenting far too much on other people's blogs instead of attending to my own - and working...

The above is a picture of Blaze Starr as snapped by one of my favourite photographers Diane Arbus. Dick's atmospheric post on motels (another of my favourite subjects) inspired me to dig this out.

Ta ta for now.