Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Why is Blogger being so

? I haven't been able to see comments for nearly a week - then I dropped off the system for a good couple of days and now I can't access half me blogmates - aaaaagggghhhh - it's so pants!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Can you see me?

Well I was going to put up a photo but I can't even do that - I think I've been sabotaged by Blogger. Goodness - I've only been away for two days and such concern for my welfare and absence of blog. It's me, I'm here, hello, cuckoo! (I love that song - Istvanski - who was it again? Some garage band from US somewhere - can't remember). Maybe the scary be-bustiered Robert Smith lookeelikee is actually head of Blogger UK and has done me up like a kipper?

Camping was hilarious by the way - photo's up tomorrow - quite possibly the worst but most entertaining campsite I've ever stayed at in my life and yes - I ate burnt sausages and yes! - I played swingball and yes - it rained very heavily and was awfully windy and yes - we laughed and laughed and laughed!!

Hope this works - thanks Bettster for the tip re: re-publishing.

Nighty night campers x

Saturday, August 26, 2006

She's Got Bette Podcast Eyes

Despite suffering from a new phenomenon - Podcast Eye Syndrome - and seriously considering eye-bag surgery - The Romo For Real 4 is up and running here

Have lovely bank holidays won't you my British readers. Me? I foolishly agreed to do this:

Word from the party that have gone ahead say and I quote "it's like a bloody refugee camp here - chaos". Thoughts running through my mind at that precise moment mainly because this is the first time I've had the chance to be completely on my own in the house all weekend are:
how can I wriggle out of this?
I'd rather stay at home
I really don't want to go BUT...we've been invited by friends so I guess I'll just have to lump it and throw myself into the heady rounds of more burnt sausages, squabbling, communal bogs, that intermittent tent zip ripping noise which always makes me laugh for some reason, damp loo paper and endless swingball contests. So The Mother of all that is Rock is off for a couple of days but I've left something for you to listen to while I'm camping it up on the West Sussex coast. Hi de Hi. Ho de bloody Ho! It's by the sea so I guess it's not that bad. I'll take copious notes and photo's of campsite munters for my return. Ta ra. (Actually - I'm going back to bed for more sleep and will go down later - I'm not rushing!)

Friday, August 25, 2006

Boilers and bustiers

Yes of course the title is a pathetic attempt to get more hits. I'm scaling down my operation people as blogspot is taking over my somewhat busy life of late. I will keep posting and will attempt to do another poohcast tonight (nurse! nurse!). I've also got a post planned on my trip to Twickers to see the Stones but for now you'll have to make do with a picture I took of a booby boiler on the Silverlink - quite possibly the most infuriating train line ever and mainly full of weirdo's, thieves and hoody-scum - but good people watching though. Had to change carriage as I think she might have noticed what I was doing. Whatevva! He was having a good ogle and all...

and here are her legs which actually look not bad - it was all much worse in the unkind light of the carriage I can assure you.

Went to Eel Pie Island on Saturday for a walk around (just after I missed Bob Swipe by a gnats hair at the BHF shop) which mainly consists of going over the bridge, ignoring the sign that says PRIVATE and walking down the path ogling at all the funny little hand-built houses - especially this one with lots of action men scaling the front shrubbery

and then getting to the dead end which smells of raw sewage - not nice - and turning back again passing a group of Scottish tourists on the way who were marvelling at it all despite the smell. At the end there is a very big house with a very big fence and a sign that says this:

Sort of sums up how I feel at the moment.
Over and out.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Working 9-5 - NOT!

Sorry my little choux buns - been working very late the last few days and yes - more podcast hell looming as is epic post on my foray to see The Stones at the weekend. I've been a bit dumb-struck as it was so incredibly good. They are playing tonight and I can hear bits coming through the air from a mile away. I took loads of photo's too - will post them up tomorrow night maybe. Until then - stock up on the best podcasters around - current new pods of cast from young Billy, the raving bonkers but hugely talented Istvanski and wunnerful be-callipered Bob.

Love you bless you keep you. Mwah!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

My new friends Katie and Pete

Here are my new friends Katie and Pete. They are really down to earth and have a huge house in the country. Didn't see the kids but had to help them get organised around the house. Couldn't believe that they were so nice and well, ordinary really. The kitchen was indeed just like it is in this picture and Pete was wearing a similar tracksuit to the one above - I even made him laugh by cracking a joke. They get on really well and she's really nice. The only thing that struck me was that they have had all their staircases ripped out and replaced by incredibly slippery, steep wooden bespoke ones. Hardly very practical with 2 toddlers around the place. I nearly slipped on the turn of the top staircase as I carried boxes of stuff down for them from one of the upstairs bedrooms. I saw their bed - it was huuuuge - Elvis proportions. Seriously, you could have fitted at least 8 adults in it comfortably. It looked so long it was ridiculous. She told me that it was a bit of a pain as they have to have all their sheets, duvets and duvet covers made especially and it costs a fortune. At the end of the bed they had a little put-me-up with a plain pink and white blanket on it. I guess that was for one of the kids. Anyway, as it was getting dark Katie asked me to take some stuff to the car which was parked by the main gate of their mansion. She said that the photographers were all lurking behind the tall laurel bushes at the front and that they were a real pain. Could I take a few boxes of paperwork to the car for her?. The car was a dirty white Peugot 405 - I guess it's their runaround vehicle. I felt embarrassed as I was shifting stuff in my 40's silk slip at the time and I had ugg boots on my feet. She said don't worry and lent me some of her clothes. It was awful. Tarty top, jeans and the worst - powder blue Timberland lace up boots with white soles - really Essex chav - oh - and a Von Dutch baseball cap which I absolutely hated. I went out and did it anyway - they've got a housekeeper who is a really common frumpy girl called Tina - don't know why she was there although we were kind of working together. As we walked out to the car I suddenly realised that the paparazzi were going to get confused and Katie had deliberately dressed me up like her as a decoy. Of course I panicked as they took loads of photo's of me. I had only been in the Sunday Mirror the week before doing the same thing for Meg Matthews and suddenly got worried that they were now going to try and find out who I really was - this girl from nowhere helper to the stars. Then I thought - oh it's ok - I'll just smile and be me. Tina just stood there laughing and waving at them but they weren't that interested in her.

Then I realised I was actually in my own bed, me, Rockmother and was secretly relieved as the thought that I had been seen out and put on the front of the Sunday Mirror in powder blue Timberlands was really bothering me. I got up and made a jug of fresh coffee, sat in the garden, listened to the wind rushing through the trees and laughed.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hop in Girls and Boys!

Yes - it's up and running and everybody's got a seat. The Romo For Real 3 has been unleashed into the annals of podcast hell! Listen to it on the bus, on the train or just really loud at home. Any degree of feedback rude or otherwise most welcome. I'll be reading out your letters and top tips next week! Press here for more witterings from the Mother of all that is Rock.

Cheerio my little rock lobsters!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Green Man

Here's Green Man for Little Purl One. He's just over forty and going strong enjoying a climb around the garden. He's not as frightening as he looks but has trouble making friends.

Not 'alf!

and welcome to podcast hell. Thank you all for your encouraging and kind comments re: the last podcast. I'm really enjoying doing them by the way despite not being able to upload a bunch of tracks due to protection. I guess if I was an artist and didn't want to be ripped off then I suppose I would do the same but it ain't half annoying. As you will see I'm having to seriously multi-task these days. I'm half way through The Romo For Real 3. I started it last night but it needs some work. I wasn't in the mood and sounded a bit like a suicidal Dave Lee Travis. Because I don't quite yet want to be relegated to the dusty corridors of podcast quiet fm I though I would spend a bit more time on it for you my little pop-pickers. I'm trying to develop effects and jingles at the moment - oh yes - and I'm in talks for a very exclusive joint cast at some point in the future - so watch this space. If only I was as clever and quick as Bob - he's up to no.10 now - bastard. I bet it's really good too. And Billy's just about to release one - ooh it's all gone flipping podcast crazy here! So - what else is going on in the land of t'internet these days? Well of course there has been an inordinate amount of space used up by people searching for girlwithaonetrackblog as I like to call her or variations on that including arsesex, fekarse, skinflute et al. Boring. Boring Boring. Yaaaawn. I think she should change her name again and write proper books. She can write well. Instead she'll probably become a presenter for some hideous reality show - Sexual Deviant Island or an agony aunt for the The Sex Toy Channel (have you got a crowbar and some muscle relaxant? It's just that I'm trapped in a woman's body (old Victor Lewis Smith joke) ) or somesuch. Oh well.

I drew this the other day

then that person drew this of me

then I drew this

and then that person drew this of me

what's the link? Apart from the fact we've all got wonky eyes and can't draw very well.

Bye for now my little cherubs.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Slave To The Rhythm

"It's better than horse" says Bob Swipe

"It's kept me on the straight and narrow - and that's saying something!" says Dick Headley

"I find Listen With Rockmother the most perfect companion for when I'm waiting for my curlers to heat up and getting through a packet of Boasters" says Mollster

Yes - the second podcast from the rocket of the crypt that is Rockmother is up and running - and no, contrary to popular opinion I podcasted sober but still didn't manage to get an early night.

You can find it here - just scroll down all the gumph and press Listen where you see The Romo For Real 2.

Enjoy pop-pickers. And don't forget - I'm doing requests and reading out your letters on the next one!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Listen With Rockmother

Yes - it's finally here. My first proper podcast. It started off on the kitchen table and ended up in bed mainly because it took so bloody long to do despite the fact it's only 45 mins long. I hope you all like it. I began with the intention of dedicating tracks to all (5) of my readers and then got side-tracked. Those that I neglected will be on the next installment I promise. I've been waiting for an ext mic which finally turned up yesterday. Looks like it's incompatible with my powerbook and then I realised I could have used the built-in mic all along. It's not as good as an ext mic so do bear with us here at Rockmother Radio. Do drop me a line and let me know what you think. I've obviously got delusions of grandeur already - I mean, it's not like it's a live radio show or anything but I forgot when I was doing it that it wasn't. That's probably why it took so long as I did the thing normal dj's do like dance around to the tracks and drink copious amounts of alcohol while they were playing instead of just cobbling it all together quickly and going to bed at a decent time. Anyway - here it is. Woof woof as Arnold (Ed Stewpot's dog) would say.

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Hands up who feels like this this morning? Or some of you might still be lying in bed with furry tongue and a cold flannel on your head? This is commonly known as post-quiz syndrome. A raucous time was had by all - and a total of 544 entries. A bit like a virtual pub crawl (thanks Billy for that analogy) - we started in earnest over at the Mollsters. Someone somehow froze her ability to send anything anywhere so we had to jump ship to Billy's. The ghost in the machine tracked us down. Where was Derek Acorah when we needed him? So off we jollied to Swipers. Gosh darn it - people started getting locked out again so all back to mine. A collective 44 points all I think although by that time at least three kegs of Watneys Red Barrel, 8 pints of Creme De Menthe Frappe, a crate of Archers and several fine bottles of red wine - not to mention various snacks - had been consumed. What a hoot! Thanks Molly for organising it and everyone for not maintaining decorum at all times. Cheerio.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Separated at birth

I'm limbering up for the first live blog quiz over at Mollster's.
I noticed something funny today:



Mirror hair!

Actually - I don't have my fringe anymore but I couldn't help but notice the resemblance. Molly's eyes are slightly more alive and less stalker-ish than mine. I don't know how old Molly's is but mine is quite old now - off my last passport - so taken around nearly ten years ago.

Right - got to do another circuit of power-lunges and get into my Margot Leadbetter outfit for a fine half hour of quiztasticness.

Laters pop pickers!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Tonight's supper:

King prawns in a little olive oil, parsley and mint from the garden, dash of tomato, two teaspoons of red wine, clove of garlic and a large pinch of smoked paprika
Yesterday's chestnut mushroom and spinach risotto made into a cake
Roasted chicory
Black pepper
Generous glass of red (Tempranillo)

It's delicious - even though I say so myself. And I've cooked it just for one. Took all of 20 mins. Great She - you can do it!

Crikey - I've gone all Elizabeth David.

Me me me Meme!

Oh for goodness sake - another meme. I wasn't going to join in but thought I would stop being a grump and enter the ranks of meme-ers out there - thanks Billy for this.

Have you had sex in the past 24 hours?
I wish!

Are you gay?
No. But quite a lot of my friends are.

Do you have hairy legs?
Sometimes - but I'm not a naturally very hairy person anyway. Lots of people are jealous of me for that.

Do you smoke anything?
Used to - lots! Don't anymore but never say never.

Do you like monkeys?
Of course I do. Filmed orangutans in Borneo two years ago - I didn't want to stop holding them - they are quite the warmest, happy, friendly, clever creatures I've ever encountered.

How many fillings do you have?
Do root canals count? None if they don't. Two if they do.

Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
The sea!

Have you ever licked one of those square batteries?
Yes. I used to like the fizzy buzz on my tongue that they made when you licked them.

Have you ever read the Bible?
Bits. I've still got my Childrens Illustrated Bible published by Puffin 1972.

Did you ever go to Sunday School?
Yes - briefly (only a few times) in Bournemouth c.1970. I hated it and was forced to go by my sadistic grandmother who I'm sure shoved me there so she could boil the Sunday lunch within an inch of it's life without me hanging around.

Do you wear a lot of black?
Yes, I have worn alot of black in my time but a little more adventurous now.

Did you ever bring a weapon to school?
Does Tippex Thinner count?

Have you ever hugged a tree?
No - but I've hugged a standing stone in France before.

Do you know what a sphincter actually is?
Of course I bloody do!

Describe your hair?
Straight but goes curly in the rain. I used to have a fringe years ago and when it rained I used to get what I called 'owly ears'!

Are you a wildbeast?
Is that some sort of new chocolate biscuit?

Do you like to have fun?
As long as I'm not being made to against my will.

Do you like drama?
Dahhhhling - I love it!

Have you ever taken a bong hit?
Of course I have.

Do you like mayonnaise?
Yes, but I stopped eating it last year and only have goats or sheeps yoghurt instead. I tried it the other day and I couldn't believe how sweet it was. I used to have mayonnaise on toast with butter as a child and tomato ketchup sandwiches.

Are you afraid to die?
No - except in pain and alone without anyone realising I'm actually dying. So maybe yes then?

Do you like playing in leaves?
Yes I like kicking them really hard and hoping that I don't connect with any dog shit in the process.

Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Good god no!

Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult?
No - but but I did puke on a duvet about 10 years ago and at the foot of a gaggle of terrified Japanese tourists in Regent Street when I had uncontrollable morning sickness. I felt so undignified and ashamed - they all screamed and grouped together in a huddle.

Are you an adult?
In body - possibly not in spirit

Ever won a spelling bee?

Do you ever eat because you’re depressed?
No. If anything I'll eat much less when I'm depressed

Are you a television addict?
No, but watched an inordinate amount especially as a child. In fact, I used to occassionally bunk off school to watch Australian soap Sons and Daughters.

Do you think OJ was guilty?
Yes and he fucking knows it!

Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yes, unless she's annoying me.

Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?
Can't remember. I don't think so.

On a swing?
No. But have had sex hanging out of a window and on a clifftop on the Ring of Kerry.

Do you like Elvis?

Do you enjoy watching animals “do it” on the Discovery channel?
Don't care much for the Disco Channel and would rather be doing it myself than watching animals do it.

Ever been hit on at a zoo?
No except by my mum giving me a thick ear for being rude.

Have you ever had sex with a total stranger?
Sort of - but I did ask him his name afterwards.

Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys?
If that is anything to do with gobbling - no. Turkeys smell and have been exploited by Evil Bernard Matthews. I think they should do to him what he has done to the turkeys.

Does your mom think someone is hot?
I think she likes Steven Berkoff.

Are you a sugar freak?
No - much prefer savoury anyday

Ever been arrested?
No but was cautioned for being rude to a police officer once.

Ever commit a crime and get away with it?
The odd bit of fare-dodging and horrible Vivian Sallis stuffed a packet of sweet cigarettes up my sleeve when I was only 6 (she was eight and should have known better!) - I was really upset as she bullied me into not squealing and we got caught. I've never really forgotten that feeling of utter fear of being made to do something bad against your will.

Do you like orange juice?
Only freshly squeezed from my 1950's press I lugged back from a junk shop in St Kilda in 1999.
Rip It Up and Start Again was ok I suppose.

What sign are you?
Beautiful Aquarius.

Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly?
Oh shut up! I'm bored now.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Stabbing pencils in my eyes because I wish I wasn't here doing this

Did you enjoy this?
Sort of but now I know why I haven't done a meme before and won't again. Ever!

So there you go - thankfully I survived this inanity by listing to Bobcast 6
which kept me sane throughout. Another great cast Bob - thank you and I had forgotten how lovely a singing voice you have - great. I get my microphone tomorrow - I think that is all I need now to start the forthcoming Romocast's. I'm just off down the road to investigate another weirdo in our neighbourhood. Bob - you might have seen him? There is a man that sits each morning in a bus shelter just before Brunel University/Ballet Rambert and reads the paper, makes calls on his phone, drinks water (could be gin mind?) and generally hangs out until around five o clock when he obviously buggers off home. I was wondering whether he is doing that weird thing where he has lost his job and hasn't told his wife yet. She thinks he goes to work but in fact, he goes to the bus stop and treats it like his office. I did actually see him ranting madly down the phone the other day so perhaps he's just an alcoholic lunatic. He's got a small shopping trolley as well - maybe his portable bar? Anyway - I'm working from (wasting time not doing work) home today so might just pop down to have a look on the pretense of catching a bus. Actually, Bob - is it you? Does Ma Swipe still think you're going to the library every morning? I knew it!

Laters pop-pickers.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Tony Ogden 1962 - 2006

UPDATE: Hm. Now I know why I had so many hits. Tony Ogden has died. He was obitted in The Independent by the fabulous John Robb two days ago. That is a big shame. He was a huge talent and should have been more recognised for his music. Here is a link to his obituary. Very sad. Big waste. Apparently cause of death is as yet unknown.

FURTHER UPDATE: For anyone who is interested - apparently Tony Ogden was found dead in a lake in Stockport near his mother's house. There will be an inquest.

Tony Ogden and World Of Twist

Have been intrigued lately by a huge amount of searches for 'World Of Twist' 'Tony Ogden' landing at my blog. Last year I posted a bit about World Of Twist as I am a big fan - I still play their Quality Street album regularly and I'm sure a track or two will feature on my forthcoming RoMocast when I work out how to bloody do it. I'm hoping I will be the blogosphere's answer to Anne Nightingale seeing as Bob Swipe is being compared to Peel - I actually think he sounds more like Whispering Bob Harris than Peel but there you go. As long as I'm not compared to Janice Long I'll be happy! Anyway - I digress. A very kind person sent me a link for a new track from Tony Ogden - came from Twisted Nerve Records (Badly Drawn Boy's company). Unfortunately the poster was anonymous - but anonymous if you're reading - thanks very much.

Here's an excerpt from my original piece:

Anyone remember World Of Twist? A fabulous band - they were hailed as the Roxy Music of the Nineties but disappeared as quickly as they appeared. Such a shame. Quality Street was a brilliant album but one which unfortunately hailed the beginning of their demise. For a start it was produced by The Grid who recorded it at half volume. I always wondered why I had to turn it up to at least 40 to hear it. They were doing copious amounts of coke and E in the studio and smoking skunk for breakfast which apparently according to ex-singer Tony Ogden meant that they had a few problems communicating with each other. That struck a chord with me as years ago I used to work for a company called Music Box making er...music programmes. We used to have an indie show and would bus around the country each week interviewing bands. We went to Manchester to interview the band when they were recording Quality Street and I remember thinking what hard work and how incommunicative they all were. Now I know why!! It then went from bad to worse - the reviews were undeservedly terrible mainly due to the fact it was recorded quietly - music journo's you should all be ashamed of your whinging selves for that! The band folded and Tony Ogden spent the next few years on smack watching third reich war films (because the good guys won - make of that what you will - he said it not me). He has been glimpsed now and again around Manchester and has started producing tracks again. I bet it's brilliant. Here's a link to the latest (I think).

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Blether blether blether

Currently listening to Bob Swipe's Podcast 4 as I write whilst eating.....

the last sliver of homemade chicken pie from yesterday's supper - cold - just right
warm falafel with lemon juice and coriander (homemade)
hoummous (not homemade)
a glass of red wine (well two actually and definitely not homemade thank goodness)

after a nice day spent idling with my son and my Dad.

Here's a picture of them looking strangely alike in a sort of we don't give a fuck kind of way and mucking about taking photo's of themselves a month or so ago in PIzza Express Twickenham

Today I ended up discussing my on-going relationship troubles and mooting my possible impending single-parenthood with my Dad who ironically - left my mother as a single parent when I was three. I've always been quite proud of the fact that I've managed to survive that milestone myself so far....and even more ironically, there we were discussing it all at 'the swings' in Marble Hill Park where my father 37 years ago told my mother he was leaving whilst I too was playing on the swings. I sort of remember that day. I remember being asked to be pushed and seeing my mum looking stern and away and my Dad well, just looking like my Dad really. So I just lay over the swing and twisted around and around instead as everyone seemed to be ignoring me. Finally, we had to get up and leave. I remember my Mum walking on ahead. Later I remember my Dad with wet hair pulling on his full length chocolate brown leather raincoat (it was 1969!) and leaving, slamming the door. And that was it. Gone. I remember it so clearly (much to my parents pain and horror even now). I remember telling my Dad that he couldn't go out with wet hair. His parting words were 'It's ok'. Can't remember anything after that at all. I've blethered on here as I guess the title suggests and as I sort of knew I would. My worry at the moment is mainly that I'm very aware of protecting my son from so much if/when the inevitable happens - which I think is a distinct possibility. The other thing I'm more than aware of is that single parent-dom is pretty much all I know. I'm also incredibly independent. A majority of my oldest, best friends are also children of single mothers. I'm even trying to make a documentary about single mothers for chrissake - I suppose it is something I know well. Anyway, it's all getting a bit much which is why I've been posting up silly drivel lately as a way of avoiding sticking personal stuff up on my blog - which I only do from time to time. I'm doing this today in memory and on the eve of what would have been Abbies (one of my all time true and best kindred spirits) 37th birthday. For those of you that are newcomers to this blog - Abbie was a great and true friend (also a single mother!) who died of the most horrid brain cancer last year. My blog was the only outlet for my thoughts at the time as I just couldn't talk to anyone about it. Plus I helped nurse her pretty much until the end which didn't feel hard at the time but I felt the fall-out afterwards - still am sometimes. All of it is archived Feb-May 2005. I think about and miss her everyday. If she were still here she would urge me to be truthful and declare what was bothering me - so I have. Thanks for reading.
Abbie Campbell 1969 - 2005.
You rocked!
(Abbie and Charlie her son March 2005)

I just realised that perhaps anyone (all of my 2 readers!) reading this might think that I want to become a single mother. To clarify, my point is that I don't relish the idea of possibly becoming a single mother at all and am definitely working very hard not to be - especially as it is something that I know very well. I hope that makes sense. Normal service to be resumed shortly - I just had to get that off my chest!

Thanks Bob for another great podcast - a good companion for writing except your Bowie closer was going to be my opener for my first podcast - harumph - I'll have to re-think!