I Love My Dad

My Dad did a great thing on Monday morning. There he was happily perusing the 'healthy' aisles at a Sainsbury's in the East End of Gundon and was soon most insensed to see
'Dr' Gillian McKeith's merchandise on display. There has been a lot of press lately about how she isn't a doctor at all but really a 62 year old health freak born one Ena Hall in Dundee who just happened to marry someone very rich enabling her to promote herself endlessly. In short, she has recently been forced to drop her fictional Dr status. A little embarrassing. Anyway, there he was most cross that Sainsbury's were still selling her unauthorised 'Dr's' products. Did he get a supervisor and complain? No. He said he got out his black pentel and scribbled over all the 'Dr's' he could find until there were none left. Good on you Pa. x

I'm Just A Devil Woman With Evil On My Mind

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you - WillB with "It's So Funny" by Cliff Richard. It is REALLY funny. Very funny indeed. You can catch more or make your own here.
WARNING: Sit down when you listen to this and don't have any liquid in your mouth for fear of ruining your keyboards my little tappity tappers. Take it away Will.



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Making New Friends

This man wants me to be his friend on munterspace - ooh the dilemma - don't think much of yours love!

The Plot Thickens

Yes. The plot thickens. What a mess. A sad sorry tale. Why would Stern do this if he really cared?

Call The Cops! I've Been Kidnapped By Beta!

Help.
Can someone mail Realdoc - I've got really bad palpitations and shortness of breath due to being made to go Beta. Yes - made to, threatened with being locked out of my old posting home. Aaarrgh. It all just locked out on me and froze for five minutes. I'm back. I'm all Googlicioused up - not what I wanted at all.

Anyway - I won the sofa debate so I am selling the old one - if anyone is interested - it's on ebay and you can view it here

And if you can't be bothered - it looks like this:

and this (excuse the pile of toy detritus - that's all going when we get the new one)

It's a bloody bargain I tell you - premium comfortable large 2 seater Habitat sofa with spare cotton detachable covers in navy blue. It's starting at a tenner - buyer collects only. Cue the annoying 'how much to send it 2nd class to Skegness please" comments.

Laters my little blogaroonies. x

News From the Rotisserie of Mo

Yes - it's official - they are finally sending James Hewitt to IraqNam just as everyone else is being pulled out.

And we have a new name for the host city of the 2012 Olympics in our house. Ladies and Gentlemen.......

welcome to Gundon.

I had a really good idea (slightly 'in a perfect world mode') the other day involving three R's and I could only remember two of them. I have remembered now. But like Blair with his 'emergency gun summit' - it's all a bit late for that if you ask me. Anyway, thought there should be an alternative three R's promoted for both parents/teachers and children - Routine - Role Model - Respect. And that goes both ways. Put it this way - if I was a fifteen year old girl that had to fend for myself because my Dad was either part-time or absent, my Mum was on drugs and/or alcohol and therefore unable to look after me properly I think I might find the idea of getting my own flat and having something of my own (a baby) to look after quite appealing. I am haunted by seeing a 8 or 9 year old kid with his mum on a weekday schoolnight evening in Soho just before Christmas. As I walked down the road I could see the kid ahead of me just standing there facing out into the street. Then I saw his Mum kind of hanging about looking a bit furtive and shouting at the kid to stay still. Then I saw what was really going on - to my right was Dad/boyfriend in a doorway doing crack. The kid was lookout It really broke my heart. That's not being a kid. That's shit.

This Is Really Cool

This is great.

PS: Thanks to Ivan for this link of goodness.

I'm Justified And I'm Ancient

There are alot of things I've wanted to write about this week - namely bionic eye research, teenagers, and effing Mika but instead you can just check all the links as I can't be bothered to go into it all in detail! In a nutshell - there has been a huge scientific leap for mankind in pixel implants for partially sighted people. The initial results are as encouraging as they are interesting. Click on the link above to find out more or go to the rather splendid Cafe Del Nightmare for a proper appraisal. Onto teenagers - I wish the politicians would stop pontificating and resign/go away/do something useful for a change. Yet again - another legacy of Thatcher and no one having enough time or respect for the kids if you ask me. Don't get me started - I'm saving up a huge essay for a future serious post. And deservedly lastly - fucking Mika. Why oh why is that talentless little upstart still at Number One? An absolute load of regurgitated poo. I wish he would go away and never come back. Ghastly in the extreme. Anyone who thinks retro re-hashed Queen meets Scritti Politti meets Leo Sayer is good should go and have their head examined. Sugary, impotent, badly executed excuse for pop in it's weakest form. Blaaaarrgh.

Horror of horrors I've been tagged for two, yes two more memes. Boo hoo - me no like, don't make me I'll be good I promise...(more crying and boob-squeezing). Blogging is far too revealing as it is without having to remove even more layers and show it like it is. The 'phwoar!' Jools (as Bob Swipe likes to refer to her) in her comfy pants tagged me to put up a photo of where I blog. Well, mainly the kitchen table with clothes and alot in bed with no clothes and sometimes from Eastern European subtlerip-offwhorebars in Soho at 2 in the morning with my eater-algo - only once - see a renowned November 2006 post for that little extravaganza. Anyway, if I can be bothered to charge up the battery on the camera today - I will post some pictures obviously with the squarey pixel things covering the bits most people shall not and would not want to see like my naked knees for example. Excellent. (That'll get the site counter surging!).

What was the other meme I was nominated for by Realdoc, Jools and The Whales I think- oh yeah - 7 things I wanted to be and 7 thing's I've been:

Wanted to be:
1. Actress
2. Producer
3. In a band
4. Developmental Psychologist
5. Writer
6. Archaeologist
7. Stand-up Comedian (for about 24 hours)

Been:
1. Shop Assistant
2. Waitress
3. Voluntary HIV Charity Fundraiser
4. Film/TV Runner
5. Film/TV PA/Production Manager
6. Film/TV Producer
7. Starting out Director (Docs)

And now - all don your scuba gear and dive over to this place where there is a great piece on the KLF. A-gents of Mu Mu! Yeah yeah. Whoahahoahuh Mu Mu Land.

Tara for now.

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I'm With The Band

Weird things happened to me this weekend.

Firstly, I won £40 on a horse. It was called Beef or Salmon and won in the 4.00 @ Leopardstown on Saturday. I normally only confine myself to the Grand National when it comes to a flutter as I am unnaturally lucky and am therefore prone to liking gambling - pontoon, roulette that sort of thing if and when I get the chance which is thankfully very rarely. A friend called up to say he had had a tip on a horse. I looked at the paper and studied the form. I decided to go against his tip and follow my own hunch. And I won! As a rule - I only bet on Irish horses/Irish trainers - the best in the world as far as I am concerned. Anyway - that's enough of my latent gambling habit.

I fell asleep last night and had the most extraordinary dream that I was really cool, dressed in black and at least a sylph-like size 0 and on tour.....with.......these guys

There I was - dressed in black, the wind blowing gently through my hair as I walked the dirty cream backstage corridors of some stadium venue somewhere. I could hear the chanting fans and I adjusted my shades. What's even weirder is that I was sort of like a tiny Patti Smith in a cool tight black trouser suit with converse boots and shades. I was also wearing a black and white silk Paul Smith scarf which belongs to a friend of mine (that I obviously secretly want). I was one of the band. I looked a bit like this but anorexically thinner.

I'm sure it's quite a common dream - who or what band have you dreamt of being in? I have to say - I was quite calm with all the fans, wasn't phased at all and was quite disappointed when I woke up as I never actually made it onstage.

And then I got tagged for another meme by Kattypuss.

I've apparently got to write 6 or 7 weird things about myself. Well, see above! I don't think I need to add anymore. Apart from the fact that I occasionally wear odd socks because I like to. I like cold rice pudding. And I'm evidently the only person in England that enjoys reading anything written by Janet Street-Porter. In moments of anxiety (sometimes in meetings without realising) I clutch and squeeze my left boob with nerves while I'm trying to explain something. Right that's enough.

I'm off to catch the tourbus.

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On The Other Hand - Ho-tel Mo-tel Holiday Iiinn

I still have the 12" full 15 minute version of this - and still know ALL the words - it's an absolute classic and check out the moves too. This is a rare recording at some venue called the Soap Factory in 1978. Enjoy - or skip to the next post if you don't like it.

OR - have a recap on LISTEN WITH ROCKMOTHER while you are patiently waiting for the
forthcoming podcast on slitswitch.

New Young Pony Club

I like this. It appeals to the occasional gormless side of my personality. If I was a teenager now I would crave to be in this band and would probably be dressing like them too. I like it for it's obvious retro quality too. It goes on a bit but you can't beat a bit of synth and 80's clothing when it's done well.

Ladies and Gentlemen........I give you.......New Young Pony Club with Icecream

**STOP PRESS**
New Listen With Rockmother Podcast coming soooon - click here for a re-cap
Do you really like it? Is it, is it wicked?

No. There is No One Home

Yep. The above illustrates the state of my brain at the moment. Nothing there. Full of air. Nothing to report. Perhaps if I stopped commenting so much on other blogs I might get some posting done myself but no, nothing comes. I've been meaning to post about all sorts of interesting things but like a proper airhead - as soon as I have the idea - pouff! - it's gone.

I'm sure normal service will resume shortly. Him who snores like a herd of bison is working with Amy Winehouse tomorrow. She has to be on set at 06:00. I've already put a tenner on her not turning up on time. Will report back from the front tomorrow - if I can remember that is.

Also - something I have been meaning to post for ages - does anyone have any idea how Arabella is? She's been awol since Jan 11th. I hope all is well in Arabellaland. Lastly.....

Dilemma of the week:
I've been dying to buy a new sofa for about three years. I finally bought one with my own money last month. It is a Robin Day Forum sofa from Habitat - a design classic and looks like this:

(not my picture - or my house - courtesy of ebay)

It is being delivered on Feb 28th. Trouble is - him who snores like a herd of bison went and sat on it in Habitat (as we weren't together when I bought it) the other day and came home with a proverbial thumbs down to the impending delivery. He says it's uncomfortable and looks like a waiting room sofa. I on the other hand find it supremely comfortable (I am only 5' 3" though) and nice to look at. So...I sort of mumbled that I had better cancel it. But that was two weeks ago and so far I haven't. I was thinking about being really annoying and at least getting it into the house before I pretended that I had forgotten to cancel it and make a last ditch attempt at convincing the unhappy one that I was right all along. Oh such piffling trifles but I really am in a quandary as to what to do. The stubborn part of me wants to carry on regardless and brace myself for a raft of dreadful excuses and cross words on Feb 28th. On the other hand - I could just cancel it and get a refund and sulk and scowl on the old sofa for as long as I can muster.

See I told you I had nothing interesting to crap on about.

PS: anybody see Mika Ka-Ka sing live on The Culture Show at the weekend? He should have been put down - a truly shocking, ear-splittingly bad acoustic performance.

Right. I'm off now. Back with Winehouse gossip tomorrow hopefully. Oh. it's all go here I can tell you.

Love The Rotisserie of Mo xxxx